Chelfing Automotive - Chelfing Automotive Media

Welcome to Chelfing Automotive Media !

Chelfing's media team have travelled far and wide to bring you these exclusive interviews with leading motorsport figures for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy !

New ! January 2010 : Chelfing Automotive Media department chosen by iconic Dutch Supercar manufacturer Spyker to work on rebranding of their new corporate range to include Saab cars.

Spyker has a long history of making cars with someone else's engines in, decorated like the inside of a Magpie's nest, and sold at a loss to Russians. Spyker is famous not only for it's sparkly cars, but also for commercial innovation. For example, the original Spyker company was one of the first major European car manufacturers to be bankrupt, back in 1909, a financial pattern since copied by many others who envy Spykers wild sales forecasts and incessant refinancing by shadowy foreigners, including Saab. Under GM's stewardship, Saab had carefully removed any unique/interesting content at the same time as making ever increasingly overconfident sales estimates. For example, Saab planned to sell 8 new Saabs to everyone in China in 2009, a target unmatched in the Automotive industry for its blind ambition. Spyker identified a certain synergy with Saab and blagged a few hundered million from the EIB (that's your money, taxpayers) to buy Saab, and take the new group to even higher levels of ambition and inevitable underachievement, almost certainly involving yet more adverts with aeroplanes in.

Taking this into consideration, Chelfing was tasked with creating a new brand identity, without using the word 'lifestyle' like everyone else does, for the combined company of Spyker and Saab, taking Spyker's lead role and 'premium' image into account. The working name for the new brand is 'Automobiles Spyker-Saab' or simply ASS for short. More info to follow...

Lardy Pop-sensation of Yesteryear 'Dane Bowers' audio tests (and fails) for potential new advert for Chelfing ! Click below for genuine audio :

The story in full on the Owners club page, clicky here.

Sensational News ! (Nov 2009)

Chelfing Automotive's media team has sensational exclusive news regarding 2009's winning F1 team, Brawn GP. A reliable source* informs us that Rubens Barrichello, seasoned number 2 driver, has finally beaten team mate Jenson Button... to the hand of Jenson's girlfriend, stunning 24 year old model Jessica Michibata ! The conniving Brazilian loaned his private jet to Button immediately after the Brazilian Grand Prix, a move seen by many as a magnanimous gesture to the Brit who snatched victory from him to win the F1 title. In reality, Barrichello's motives were far from sporting, he simply wanted Button out of the race for the 21 year old beauty. Rubens then flew to Dudley in the West Midlands to meet up with the gorgeous 18 year old Jessica at a photoshoot and pop the big question ahead of love rival Button.

Brazilian

Button was unaware of Barrichello's cheeky overtake, as he was feigning modesty to a crowd of 120 fans at a wet PR job at some godforsaken shopping centre in Essex, while his Dad bought some sovereign rings from Elizabeth Duke on tick. The 16 year old Jessica was reportedly taken aback by Barrichello's proposal, as she flounced about in her undies for a photoshoot (professional, not soft-porn, she is a classy bird after all).

Hollywood

However, as Button was 750 miles away in Essex, Barrichello was able to propose in traditional Brazilian fashion, by slipping a couple of relaxing herbal remedies in her drink, then rabbit-punching her on the back of the head. He then hid her away from the prying eyes of the press by wrapping her in a blanket, putting the barely-legal stunner in the boot of his Talbot Rancho and driving off to a secluded layby just outside Wolverhampton.

Shaven Haven

Barrichello is unavailable for comment, so we are unable to confirm if the scantily-clad jailbait accepted his proposal or not. He did leave a message on our answerphone, which simply asked "When she scratcha your face, she just want it harder, no ?" Button's response, like ours, is one of understandable shock. We hear he simply repeats the phrase "Jenson Button, World Champion, Jenson Button, World Champion", over and over again...

*Smelly Keith who drinks in the Fox and Hounds.

All misinformation not incorrect at time of release, despite our efforts, some small traces of nut may be found in this meal, contact your server if you have any concerns about allergies.

June 09 - Click below for our latest interview*, Chelfing Automotive's Domingo Uretha-Bastardo travels to Corby to interview Brawn GP's number 2 driver Rubens Barrichello. (Interview in Portuguese, subtitled into the Queen's finest English.)

August 08 - Click below for our third interview*, Chelfing Automotive's Kendo Nagasaki goes 'behind the green door' to interview unemployed F1 star Takuma Sato. (Interview in nip, subtitled in English.)

August 08 - Click below for our second interview*, Chelfing Automotive's Poland correspondent interviews BMW's moonlighting F1 star Robert Kubica. (Interview in jibberish, subtitled in English.)

August 08 - Click below for our first interview*, Chelfing Automotive medias very own Pedro Bodegas interviews Renault F1 star Fernando Alonso, revealing some interesting dietary habits. (Interview in Dago, subtitled in English.)

*Minor factual inaccuracies may exist within this site, in the event of inability to recognise sattire, unplug your PC and give it a gentle rinse with mild deturgent. All misinformation correct at time of publication. My dad's bigger than yours.